Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
