I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
