so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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