I wish i was in the wii world.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
