i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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