god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize