Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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