So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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