Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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