grandma shit on top of the toilet
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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