I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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