member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
