look no pants
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
