I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
