are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize