i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
