Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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