Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
