May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
