is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize