I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
