theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
