I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
