I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
