Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
