They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
