Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
