Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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