As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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