Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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