Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
