i permit you to call me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
