Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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