So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
