Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
