Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
