I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize