So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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