If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
