You're my little dorito
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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