glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
