hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
