So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
