there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
