So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
