At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
