Sponge bath it is.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize