I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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