ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
