I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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