He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
