The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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