i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
