my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
