Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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