apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
