you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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