Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
