I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
