i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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