This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
