You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
