So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
