Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
