My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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