Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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