i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
