I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize